This evening is the Artist's Reception at the Arenas Gallery in Visalia. Kathy and Steve Diamant, Kay Gaston, Jeri Burzin and I will be showing our arts and crafts. We mailed postcards and fliers to friends and art patrons. And we each have been told by many there will be a good response this evening. The Arenas' usually provide a very good spread. Laurel and Jay Bergman from Redwood City are coming specifically for this event, staying over night in our home. We will have a brunch for friends tomorrow and they return to the Bay Area in the afternoon. So all indications this will be a "party."
I cannot shake a negative cloud around my head. Only nine days ago my sister died. She was my younger sister so her going before me is out of turn. With she and our parents gone, too, I am the only person living who grew up in our small family. I do have an adopted brother and step sisters and a half sister, whom I love, but I didn't live with them growing up. Of course, I feel attached to them, but it feels weird that every person who lived in my childhood home are gone. I left home before my brother was adopted so he was my younger sister's sibling, not mine, in reality. So I suspect the cloud is all to do with this loss and hindering the joy and excitement of doing a body of work and having it enjoyed by many this evening.
Because I was so caught up in going back and forth to Los Angeles to spend time with my sister, the preparation for this show was limited. My focus was south, not here. I also have the studio tour at the end of month and didn't want to deplete that event. So I picked three masks, two photographs (1st and 2nd place winners at the Tulare Co. Fair the last couple of years), and gift cards of my photos. My friends have so much more in the show. My stuff is displayed in the back of the gallery in a small cubie type section, not open for all to see like the rest of the art. I was disappointed when I went to preview, knowing we will be too busy to enjoy the show itself tonight. I grasp at positivity and know that grief sometimes over shadows our daily existence, which is for me, lucky and happy and there is no real cloud, just a perceived one. So I will spend today in preparation, finishing a knitted sweater in bamboo yarn that I hope to wear tonight, and take photos of wildflowers that grow through our hills, and enjoy this day, with my sisters memory sitting on my forehead, taking a ride. And the big question, "Will I sell?" left for the future to answer.